Neon Genesis Evangelism - A Gift For Rei
by Spinion
Summary: A silly semi-satirical fic I wrote for a DVD contest and, well, lost.:) Rei moves in with Asuka, Shinji, and Misato, who has her hands full trying to solved Nerv's financial problems. Rei gets drunk, Shinji gets very scared.


Usual fic schtick: Don't repost without telling me, and if you do anything to try to claim this fic as your own, I will beat you merciless with a honey-covered armadillo and not in the nice way. And, you know, for all that disclaimer stuff, I don't own these characters, etc etc, please don't tell Gainax and suggest they drop an N2 mine on me, etc etc. Comments highly welcome.   
  
This is, by the way, my first fic, so don't be too hard on me.:)  
  
"Neon Genesis Evangelism / A Gift For Rei"  
(C) Leif Whittaker May 2002, Redistribute and die.  
  
  
This is NERV headquarters.  
  
A veritable ant colony of espionagal activity, it twists and turns through the ground somewhere beneath Tokyo 3. Inside lies the most advanced scientific technology available. They are the Evangelions, mankind's only hope against the mysterious and terrible beings known as the Angels. It is quite possible that NERV headquarters is the single most important military operations facility on the planet.  
  
Also, quite inexplicably, it was modeled after one of those enclosed labyrinthine playhouses commonly found at McDonalds that looks like a giant psychedelic snake on bad acid.  
  
And perhaps that's why it had taken Major Misato Katsuragi, NERV's Director of Operations and Official Caretaker Of The Emotionally Needy And Unstable Teenagers Who Pilot The Evangelions, the better part of half a year to learn her way around the compound.  
  
NERV Headquarters had a room for everything. Angel attack? Room 27-B, third conveyor belt on the left. Questions regarding pay? Take conveyor belt C to Rendezvous Point E and then follow the second belt to Room 19-A. Cup of coffee? Go to Room 7-D, take the rail car F to Ritsuko's Lab, open Hatch-J, climb down Ladder-4H to Sector 16-G, and you'll find the coffee pot in the sixth room on the left.  
  
Then, just when Misato had gotten the hang of everything, Commander Ikari had decided that the belt system needed remodeling. It was quite possible that the deepest and darkest secrets of NERV were in fact accessible to anyone and simply remained secret because nobody could figure out how to get to them.  
  
Misato stared at the map in her hands. Beneath her feet, one of the countless new moving sidewalks was in the process of slowly ferrying her to whatever area it chose, which could have been any place in NERV except where she wanted to go, which was to the lobby. The belt system hummed mockingly at her.  
  
"Um, Shinji?" she said.  
  
"Yes, Misato?" said Shinji.  
  
"We're lost again, I think."  
  
"I know. Take a right at the next transport room."  
  
Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, was a boy of many talents. In addition to his superior skills as an Eva pilot, he had an excellent sense of direction, at least where the belts were concerned; the power outage incident in the ducts had been one of his more embarrassing moments. He also had an uncanny ability to carry on a conversation while conveying the impression that he wasn't paying attention to you in the slightest, an ability which he was now using on Misato. It, for want of a better word, unnerved her. Shinji just stood there, engrossed in the latest issue of "Girls of NERV," eyeing a particularly nice centerfold of Ritsuko. Shinji, like all Ikari males, had a thing for women in lab coats and little else.  
  
They reached the transport room, and after Shinji dutifully pointed out to Misato which direction "right" was, Misato seemed to regain her senses enough to board the moving sidewalk.  
  
"I have a financial presentation I have to make to Commander Ikari, so I won't be home until later tonight," Misato said to Shinji as they cruised towards the lobby.  
  
"Yes, Misato," said Shinji, now absorbed in Maya's Amazon pictorial. Where, he wondered, did they find a jungle set in Tokyo 3?  
  
"You'll have to fix dinner. I can't afford to get dinner delivered every night."  
  
"Yes, Misato." It was quite possibly Shinji's favorite phrase.  
  
"There are three TV dinners in the freezer. You can prepare those," Misato instructed.  
  
"Yes, Misato." Shinji paused. Wait a second here. "Um, Misato, I thought you weren't eating with us."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well, you said three TV dinners."  
  
Misato snapped her fingers, as if suddenly remembering something. "Oh, that's right, I forgot to tell you. Rei will be living with us for a few days."  
  
"Yes Misa..." Shinji stopped. "Rei's WHAT?"  
  
Misato shrugged. "Her apartment got quarantined," she said casually. "You know how girls her age are about not cleaning their rooms."  
  
"QUARANTINED?" Shinji exclaimed. Then he remembered taking Ayanami her schoolwork and how filthy her apartment had been. This lessened the shock emphatically. "Okay, I can believe that. But why does she have to stay with us?"  
  
"I thought you and Rei got along quite well," said Misato, passing a sly wink in his direction.  
  
"That's not what I'm worried about."  
  
"Then what--" Misato started, then at last understanding crept through her skull. It seized her brain like a vise. "Oh. You're referring to a certain red-haired time bomb--"  
  
Shinji nodded. "That isn't going to like the idea of another roommate, especially not Ayanami. She hates me enough as it is."  
  
Misato frowned in thought for a moment, and then smiled broadly. "It'll work out," she said optimistically.  
  
The moving sidewalk's motor hummed in amusement.  
  
This is going to go horribly wrong, Shinji thought. Asuka and Rei in the same room for even five seconds is a bad idea. Asuka and Rei in the same city is a bad idea. Heck, Asuka and Rei on the same continent isn't exactly a masterpiece of planning either. Asuka's not going to take it out on Rei, though. Somehow this is going to all end up being my fault. He could see it all now. "Idiot!" "Sorry!" "You're sorry? This is all your fault?" "How is this my fault?" "Because you're an idiot!" "I'm sorry!" "Stop apologizing!" "I'm sorry!" Then Asuka would storm to her room, slam the door, and swear for hours on end in German. Shinji was quite sure she ran out of expletives after fifteen minutes or so, and from that point on just made up words that sounded German and obscene because nobody could tell the difference. Then he would go curl up in his room and listen to his SDAT mix tape until something interesting happened.  
  
Then something occurred to him.   
  
"Um, so where is Rei staying?" asked Shinji curiously.  
  
"What?" said Misato. "I just told you, with us."  
  
"Yes, but where?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Eva Pilot and Guardian stared at each other, all traces of comprehension lost in a Sea of Dirac.  
  
"Where IN THE APARTMENT will Rei be staying?" Shinji said at last.  
  
Misato coughed nervously. "Er, well, I sort of offered her your room. It's just for a few days."  
  
"You did what?"  
  
"It's just for a few days. Be a man."  
  
Shinji, suddenly bereft of his reclusive escape from the wrath of Asuka Langley Sohryu, went cold. This was not going to be good. He sighed.   
  
"Yes, Misato."  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, at Misato Katsuragi's apartment, the most diabolical, sinister, deceitful, and most downright horrible scheme ever was nearing its completion.   
  
The muted ring of an Instant Messenger window filled the steamed bathroom.  
  
Pen-Pen, International Penguin of Mystery, was taking a hot bath. On the edge of the bathtub sat a laptop. The penguin positioned himself at the console and activated the command screen.  
  
"Corporal Pen-Pen, report." The mysterious message came from a User-ID named "Pip."  
  
"Everything is going according to schedule," Pen-Pen typed at remarkable speeds for a creature that has to tap the keys with his flippers.  
  
"What about Shinji?" inquired Pip.  
  
"He suspects nothing, and should not interfere, I think. Everything is going according to the plan."  
  
The truth of why Antarctica had been destroyed during the second impact was a carefully guarded secret, known only by Pen-Pen and Pip.  
  
"Good work, Corporal," said Pip. "The Penguin Instrumentality Project is nearing completion."  
  
"Yes," replied Pen-Pen. "Soon, we will unite all the warm-weather penguins and create a greater, unified bird, and then we...hold on a second. Something's happening outside."  
  
Pen-Pen crawled out of the hot water, grabbed his towel, and strolled out to see what the commotion was all about.  
  
---  
  
It was a pretty safe bet that wherever a commotion was found in Tokyo-3 that didn't involve an angel attack, so would be found the pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, Asuka Langley Sohryu. This was no exception. The livid redhead was currently in one of her transition periods. That is to say, she had just completed one of her patented shrieks of dismay and was now composing a tirade in her head, possibly involving a lot of German obscenities, and preparing it for launch.   
  
The tirade's target would be Rei Ayanami, pilot of Evangelion Unit 00, who Pen-Pen recognized only as a result of a curious perusing of Shinji's "Girls of NERV" magazines. August Issue, Page 26, if he remembered correctly.   
  
Rei stared expectantly at Asuka, a blank expression on her pale face.  
  
Asuka opened her mouth as if about to say something, then shut it, apparently changing her mind. She repeated the gesture several times before making up her mind.   
  
"Just WHAT are you doing here, Wondergirl?" demanded Asuka. Actually, demanded was a rather inaccurate word to describe Asuka's tone. It was something of a hybrid between a demand and a violent, demonic hiss.  
  
"Major Katsuragi informed me I was to stay here," Rei explained in her soft, leathery voice.  
  
"Misato did WHA-AT?" screeched Asuka, spanning the last word across several octaves.  
  
Rei stood silently, her bright red eyes piercing Asuka's sanity.  
  
"Mein Gott in Himmel! Why on earth would she do that?" Asuka shouted.  
  
"My apartment was quarantined."  
  
"QUARANTINED?!" Asuka exclaimed. Then she remembered Shinji's account of how filthy Wondergirl's apartment had been. This lessened the shock emphatically. "Until when?"  
  
"I do not know."  
  
Asuka sighed. "Great," she said to nobody in particular, "First I have to live with Idiot Child Shinji and now NERV's favorite doll is going to stay here too? This sucks!" She glared at Rei. "You sleep on the couch, got it, Wondergirl?"  
  
"Major Katsuragi instructed me to sleep in Shinji's room."  
  
Asuka's jaw dropped. "Then...she means with Shinji sleeping on the couch, right?"  
  
"She did not say."  
  
"Shinji sleeps on the couch," confirmed Asuka, deciding to take the initiative and set what she felt was a much-needed ground rule. Wondergirl's grasp of human subtlety was quite possibly worse than Shinji's grasp of the female mind.  
  
"I'm going to take a nap," Asuka informed Rei. "Shinji should be back soon, so no funny stuff, understand?"  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
"I'm sure," smirked Asuka. With that, she stormed to her bedroom.  
  
---  
  
Pen-Pen watched the whole scene curiously, then slipped unnoticed into the bathroom. The steam from the bath had fogged up the laptop screen. Pen-Pen wiped it with his towel, sank down in the tub, and started to type.  
  
"We have a problem, sir."  
  
"What?" replied Pip.  
  
"The blue-haired girl will be staying here, it seems. She may impede our progress."  
  
There was a long pause from the other end.  
  
"What is Ryoko doing at Major Katsuragi's apartment?"  
  
Pen-Pen sighed. "Wrong blue-haired girl, sir."  
  
"Kiyone, then?"  
  
"Not quite."  
  
"Lime?" Pip hazarded.  
  
"No."  
  
"Shampoo?" Pip guessed.  
  
"No!" typed Pen-Pen. Pip was beginning to get on his nerves.  
  
"Lucia?"  
  
"Who?" typed Pen-Pen.  
  
"The girl from Lunar II," explained Pip.  
  
"Oh. Not her either."  
  
"Umi Riyouzaki?"  
  
Pen-Pen was getting thoroughly annoyed at this point. "Nowhere close," he typed. "Look, sir..."  
  
"Sailor Mercury?"  
  
"I'm talking about Rei Ayanami, sir," Pen-Pen keyed irritably.  
  
"Oh. Blast. Rei. Cancel any further plans indefinitely," typed the mysterious messenger known as Pip.  
  
"How long is indefinitely?"  
  
"Sometime next story."  
  
And so, the diabolical Penguin Instrumentality Project was unceremoniously shelved.  
  
---  
  
In order to establish continuity with later events, it should be noted that about this time, Rei Ayanami was A: feeling sorry for herself, and B: opening Misato's fridge.  
  
---  
  
Fairly solid rumor had it that NERV Headquarters had more rooms than it had employees. For example, when Gendo Ikari had ordered the redesign of the compound's belt system, he had included three more offices for himself where he could sit behind a desk, fold his white gloves hands under his nose, and brood happily, which is what he was doing currently. Actually, what he was really doing was waiting for Misato, but since Major Katsuragi was the sort of woman who could get lost in a padded cell, he decided to brood while he waited.  
  
His current topic of contemplation had nothing to do with his wicked schemes to control the world for his sinister purposes, nor with how to get SEELE off his back, nor with how to defeat the Angels. It wasn't even about his irritation at the unforeseen shelving of the Penguin Instrumentality Project, which he secretly headed under the abbreviational code name Pip. What Commander Gendo Ikari was currently mulling over in his twisted head was money. New belt systems cost a fortune these days, and he needed funds for his evil penguin plots, and SEELE might as well have been named The Ebenezer Scrooge Foundation for all the financial assistance they provided. Or didn't provide, as it were.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
Misato stood in the doorway holding what appeared to be a jewel case containing a disc.   
  
"I'm sorry I'm late, sir. I...er...got lost."  
  
Gendo Ikari snapped out of his trance and readied his 'Intimidating Enigma' personality for use.   
  
"Come in, Major," he said, adjusting his glasses. He made a mental note to take a day off and get them adjusted.  
  
Misato took a few steps forward, and the electronic door slid shut behind her.  
  
"Have a seat," suggested the commander, gesturing to a chair.  
  
Misato sat down.  
  
The Commander cracked his knuckles. "You have...found a solution to our financing problems, I trust?"  
  
She placed the disc on the desk. "Yes, sir."  
  
Gendo stared at it. "A disc?"  
  
"A Digital Video Disc. If we can get a DVD player, I think you'll find the answers you're looking for."  
  
Gendo reached down, opened a drawer, and produced a small monitor and a black piece of machinery. He plugged a cable into the monitor, another into the strange machine, and then ran them both to a wall outlet.  
  
"Sir, isn't that a Playstation 2?" Misato said, peering at the device curiously.  
  
"Er. It's Fuyutsuki's," Gendo lied quickly. "Old fool's a Dead or Alive II freak."  
  
"Isn't that a two player game, Commander?"  
  
Commander Ikari coughed. "I wouldn't know." He snatched the disc, put it in the player, turned it on, and pressed play.  
  
"This is...footage of Asuka's voyage and her first angel battle, is it not?"  
  
"In part," said Misato.  
  
Gendo was baffled. "And this helps us how?"  
  
"Keep watching."  
  
He did so. On the screen he saw the wind whip Asuka's dress up, and if Gendo had not had sunglasses on, he would have been quite obviously gawking in appreciation. Asuka slapped a leering Toji Suzuhara, and Toji flashed her in response, eliciting a disgusted expression on the faces of Misato, Shinji, and Kensuke.  
  
Gendo Ikari found himself wondering briefly why it was he had chosen to have children.  
  
"Major Katsuragi," he said, frowning, "What do these childish antics have to do with our financial situation?"  
  
"They're entertaining," said Misato. "We'll produce them in mass and sell them   
for a fortune at media shops."  
  
It was difficult to read Gendo's eyes behind his mirrored glasses, but Misato got the impression he blinked in disbelief. Possibly twice. "And people will pay for this?"  
  
"Absolutely," said Misato. "We'll call it 'Neon Genesis Evangelion.' The technical department thought that up. Pretty neat, huh? This is episode eight, 'Asuka Strikes!'"  
  
"Neon Genesis Evangelion?" Gendo repeated blankly.  
  
"Yessir," said Misato, now completely in salesgirl mode. "People in America will eat this stuff up. I guarantee it."  
  
Commander Ikari took a moment to regain his composure. "What do these cost to manufacture, in United States currency?"  
  
"Less than half a dollar, sir."  
  
"And what do you imagine people would pay for these?"  
  
"Thirty dollars retail, sir," replied Misato. "Possibly a hundred-fifty for a complete set of eight."  
  
"A hundred-fifty? Americans would pay that much?" said Gendo.  
  
Major Katsuragi winked. "We'll include a folded piece of cardboard and call it a collector's box. They fall for it every time."   
  
A slow smile crept over the face of Gendo Ikari, future marketing genius. It evolved into a wide and quite evil grin. "I will...give the matter thorough consideration. Well done, Major Katsuragi."  
  
Misato saluted without exactly knowing why. "Thank you, sir."  
  
"You'll be rewarded, if this works."  
  
"Yes, sir!" said Misato proudly.  
  
"Possibly even promoted to Captain."  
  
Misato beamed.  
  
"You're dismissed now," said the Commander.  
  
Misato saluted again and exited.  
  
When Misato had left, Gendo Ikari picked up the phone, suppressing his giddiness as best as he could manage.  
  
"Fuyutsuki," he said into the receiver. "I've got a project for you to get started on immediately. Come to Brooding Office #7. Right away."  
  
Then he hung up the phone.  
  
---  
  
"I'm home!" called Shinji.  
  
Asuka's nap had not gone well. She was currently slouching on the couch, watching old episodes of Sailor Moon. It was quite possible that Asuka was the only person ever to look thoroughly depressed while the words "Moon Prism Power!" were echoing through the room.   
  
"I assume you've heard," she said flatly.  
  
"About Rei staying here? Yeah, Misato told me," Shinji said. He cheerfully popped three TV dinners into the microwave, set the timer, and walked over to the couch.  
  
"You're not mad about it?"  
  
"Not at all. Actually, I've gotten kind of used to living with strange women," he said.  
  
Asuka either ignored the dig or missed it entirely. "I guess if you can put up with living with Misato, you can put up with Wonder Girl."  
  
"So, um, where is Rei?"  
  
"In your room. Her room. Whatever. She's being antisocial."  
  
"Mmhmm," said Shinji absently. He was staring at the television. "Sailor Moon?"  
  
"I used to watch it when I was a little girl, okay?"  
  
"You're watching it now."  
  
"It's for reminiscent purposes. Besides, there's nothing else to do."  
  
"Mmhmm," said Shinji. "I'll go and set the table now. What do you want to drink?"  
  
"Diet Coke," said Asuka.  
  
Fast-forwarding through the boring details of Shinji Ikari setting the table, he opened the fridge to get the drinks.   
  
It must be understood that, in a world where technology reigned supreme, certain artifacts of magic were still present, and that one of these artifacts was Misato Katsuragi's enchanted fridge. The beer automatically replenished itself every three hours, filling the shelves to capacity provided the door was closed and nobody was looking.  
  
A beer was missing from one of the upper shelves.  
  
"Um, hey Asuka?" Shinji called.  
  
"Yeah? What is it? Dinner ready?"   
  
"Almost, but that's not it. There's a beer missing from the fridge. Did you...drink one?"  
  
"What? No way! Misato would skin me alive."  
  
"Who took it, then?" said Shinji.  
  
Asuka knew of the refrigerator's regenerative powers. "Pen-Pen, probably."  
  
"I don't think so," said Shinji. "It's missing from one of the upper shelves. Pen-Pen can't reach that high."  
  
There was a long moment of silence as a horrible possibility began to creep into their minds.  
  
Asuka stood up and slowly walked over to the dining room. "Shinji, do you remember that time when Misato took us out to dinner, and Rei had two sips of Misato's daiquiri, and discovered that she had the lowest tolerance of alcohol of possibly any girl ever?"  
  
Shinji nodded. "And she went nuts and kept trying to kiss me?"  
  
You weren't the only one, thought Asuka with an internal shudder. "Yes. You don't think..."  
  
"SHINJI-BEAR!"  
  
It is an unwritten rule that the more introverted a girl is while sober, the more extroverted she becomes while intoxicated, and the fact that Rei would need the assistance of one of her clones to break the 100 pound mark compounded with the fact that Misato's brand of beer was pretty much pure alcohol with mild beer flavoring didn't help anything. In accordance with this rule, the flying drunken projectile known as Rei Ayanami, apparently just now realizing Shinji was home, whirred through the living room like a natural disaster, knocked Asuka over, hurdled the dining table and glomped onto Shinji like a pale-skinned leech.  
  
"Shinji-Bear, I missed you so much! I'm so happy that we're going to be staying together! Aren't you happy, Shinji-Bear?" the albino girl babbled cheerfully. She gave his cheek a playful kiss.  
  
Shinji appeared to have gone into shock.  
  
Asuka promptly grabbed Rei by the hair and peeled her off of the traumatized pilot of Unit 01.  
  
"Look, Wonder Girl, we're going to sit down and eat dinner, and then you're going to be calm the rest of the night, or else. Got it?"  
  
"Can I sit next to Shinji-Bear?" said Rei, winking surreptitiously at Shinji.  
  
Asuka shuddered. This was going to be a long night.  
  
---  
  
Back at NERV Headquarters, in Brooding Office #7, Commander Ikari and Fuyutsuki were gathered around the monitor, watching "Asuka Strikes!"  
  
"As you can see, Fuyutsuki, this footage is an excellent military documentary, and could be sold to a classy public interested in the intrigue of world affairs."  
  
The vice-commander watched in cautious fascination. "What about the antics of the Evangelion pilots?" said Fuyutsuki, referring to the exchange of involuntary genitalia viewing between Asuka and Toji.  
  
Gendo coughed. "That, er, merely adds to the realistic aspect of the film."  
  
"And people will pay how much for this?"  
  
"A hundred and fifty for a box set of eight, provided we include a cardboard box."  
  
"Americans are such fools, aren't they?" Fuyutsuki commented.  
  
Gendo adjusted his sunglasses. "Yes, but their foolishness will provide us with what we need."  
  
"What are we going to call it?"  
  
"Neon Genesis Evangelion," said the Commander. "The technical department thought it up. See that they get a significant increase in their Christmas bonuses this year."  
  
"They don't get Christmas bonuses, sir."  
  
"Then raise them by 100%."  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded. "I've got a few contacts. I can have the first print of these DVD's on the store shelves tomorrow morning," he said.  
  
"Make it so. And Fuyutsuki?"  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
Gendo eyed the Playstation 2. "After you get that taken care of, bring by your copy of Dead Or Alive 2 on your way back."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
---  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Shinji-Bear! Come...do laundry with me!"   
  
By this point, Rei had consumed two more of Misato's prized beers. Well, actually, quaffed would be a better word. She spilled over half of the third one. The point was, she was far more intoxicated than before, and as a result she made the idea of doing a simple household chore sound like some sort of indecent proposal.  
  
Dinner had been an interesting event. Rei had been more interested in Shinji than in the meal, and Asuka had been more interested in keeping Rei off of him. Shinji, not knowing how to handle the whole situation, had gone into a trance. It seemed easier than trying to cope. The words "I mustn't run away" had obviously never been said with a mischievously drunken Rei Ayanami and an enraged Asuka Langley Sohryu in mind.  
  
Finally, Asuka had washed her hands of the situation and gone to her room to fume, but not before she had left Shinji with the clear idea that if he and Rei did anything, even though she didn't know exactly what she would do about it, Shinji would live to regret it. Or, then again, he might NOT live to regret it.   
  
Rei dragged Shinji by the arm to the laundry area. It wasn't exactly a room, as Misato's apartment was somewhat short of rooms, but just a corner with a lot of Misato's underwear hanging in random patterns from a couple of clotheslines and, of special note, the chandelier.  
  
Rei giggled madly and pointed at the underwear. "Would you like me to model those for you, Shinji-Bear?"  
  
"I don't think..." Shinji started, but Rei hopped up on the dryer before he could finish.  
  
"August Issue, Page 26, remember? Nothing you haven't seen before." She winked.  
  
Shinji blushed and looked away. "Er. Rei."  
  
An article of clothing hit him in the side of the head. Rei's blouse, he realized, horrified. Asuka was going to kill him.  
  
Another article of clothing hit him in the back of the head, though he didn't even dare speculate what sort of article it was. If he were Tenchi, Shinji's nose would have been gushing blood about now.  
  
"What are you doing, Rei?"  
  
There was no response.  
  
Shinji turned around slowly. "Er. Rei?"  
  
There was a loud clonk as the half-naked Rei Ayanami passed out and smacked her head into the chandelier. Then she fell over on a pile of dirty laundry, motionless.  
  
"Rei!" cried Shinji. He just stared at the disheveled, half-naked unconscious Ayanami, not sure of what to do. A moment later, Asuka rushed into the room.  
  
"What's all the commotion, Third Child?" She looked first at Ayanami, then at Shinji. "What were you two doing?!"  
  
Shinji gibbered. "I, she, She just jumped up on the dryer and and and and..."  
  
"Is she dead?" said Asuka hopefully.  
  
Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so."  
  
"We'd better get her to a bed, then. Misato's going to kill us."  
  
On cue, the door opened.  
  
"I'm home!" called Misato.  
  
---  
  
The next day came without much happening, specifically any cadaverous incidents involving certain Eva pilots and their guardian. Misato stopped just short of killing Shinji and Asuka. Rei didn't have any serious head damage, but due to her serious intolerance of alcohol, remained passed out through school. She took quite some time to recover from the previous night's merrymaking.  
  
And she dreamed.  
  
"Rei."  
  
Who am I? What is this voice? Who are you?  
  
"Rei?"  
  
That is the name that they call me. The people in my life. Commander Ikari. The pilot of unit 02. Major Katsuragi. Shinji Ikari.  
  
"Rei."  
  
Why do these voices haunt me? Who are you?  
  
"Rei!"  
  
Why...do I have such a hangover?  
  
"Rei!"  
  
Rei's eyes shot open.  
  
She started to say something profound along the lines of "Unfamiliar Ceiling," then realized she was staring up at the heads of Shinji and Asuka. Words failed her.  
  
"Wondergirl lives!" exclaimed Asuka.  
  
Rei blinked slowly. "What...happened? Where am I?"  
  
"Shinji's room," Asuka replied with a smirk. "It's three in the afternoon. You missed school, and Misato says it's time for you to get up. And cover up while you're at it."  
  
Rei blushed and quickly drew a blanket over herself. "How did I come to be undressed?"  
  
"Why don't you ask Shinji-Bear?"  
  
Now Shinji blushed. Rei stared up at the ceiling, recalling bits and pieces of the events from the previous night.  
  
"I feel sick. Excuse me." said Rei, and ran to the bathroom to throw up.  
  
Asuka and Shinji stared at each other helplessly for several moments. When Rei finally came back, she sat down quietly on her bed.  
  
"Feeling better?" Asuka chuckled.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Shinji cleared his throat. "Well, we thought you might have been feeling bad, so I sort of brought you a present."  
  
Rei blinked. "A present? For me?"  
  
---  
Epilogue:   
  
Later that night, Rei Ayanami was lying on her stomach, alone in an ocean of contemplation.  
  
He had given her a present.  
  
Shinji had produced a white plastic bag and drew from it a black cardboard box with shadowed outlines of the Evangelions and the red NERV logo.  
  
"What is it?" she had asked.  
  
"It's a DVD set," Shinji had explained. "Misato thought it might cheer you up. It's called Neon Genesis Evangelion."  
  
And she had thanked him.  
  
"Words of gratitude," she whispered softly. "Words I have never used before. Not even with...him."  
  
Then she slipped the first disc into the DVD player, and pressed play. 


End file.
